Presley's upcoming birth is imminent. I AM going to have a baby soon. This cannot be avoided. I can't even pretend to not be pregnant. The kicks, the cramps, the bladder, all remind me at every possible moment that space is being rented out and it's getting to be a tight fit.
I sit here in my quiet living room contemplating all that's ahead. Panic slowly sinks in. I'm not ready for this. No one is ever really ready. You can be prepared and have all the necessities, sure. In truth you aren't ever really ready to add a person to your life. It's even worse when you've done it before. You know that your life is about to be turned upside down. That's a scary thought.
What's even scarier is you can't really know how much things will change until they do. Nothing can prepare you! No child birth class or infant CPR will tell you if your baby will cry a lot or be relatively happy (as happy as an infant can be, of course). Nothing will tell you if your baby will sleep a lot or keep you up all night, every night for months. Will she be sensitive to fabrics and diapers like Nick? Will she puke all the time like Gabby? Will she prefer her dad or me? Will she be allergic to cats? Will she be healthy? Will she one day suffer from a chronic illness like me? Will she be pretty, smart, funny? Will she like giraffes? All the questions begin to creep in your mind. Then you realize, you have a connection with this baby inside you, but you don't really know her. She may be part of me, but she's her own person. For the first year or so, communication will be limited.
Then I begin to think about all the possibilities the next few weeks will bring. I'll admit, I'm in panic mode! I like to have control and to feel prepared. Knowing that I can't know every detail freaks me out. I've heard everyone tell me over and over "everything will work out just fine, you'll see". That's fine. Right now, I don't SEE that, so pardon me for completely ignoring what you say. To be honest, it doesn't help. Until I feel like things are under control and my "to do list" is about 10 items shorter, you wont see me relaxing. You want to offer me advice? Come over and help refinish the crib or fix the leaky faucet or any of the other items on the list. Telling me to relax?? AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN! Besides, watching people slowly go insane is funny. Just grab some popcorn and sit back...
Finally, let's have some fun. I do have a super rad baby pool which I think everyone should take part in! It will let you guess everything from birth weight to birth date! Do it, it's fun. It makes me happy. You want me to be happy or else I'll probably sit on you. The winner get's nothing, but all the losers are on diaper duty. Big stakes! ( put steaks first... mmm sounds yummy!)
PS: there will be a birth story post and it will be very descriptive... prepare yourselves now!
