10 Weeks To Go... In Memphis

I haven't been blogging much. As I have done with my chronic illness, I have tried to refrain from posting much about my pregnancy. Also, with my illness, a few posts have slipped by, here's one about my current "situation".

Presley's upcoming birth is imminent. I AM going to have a baby soon. This cannot be avoided. I can't even pretend to not be pregnant. The kicks, the cramps, the bladder, all remind me at every possible moment that space is being rented out and it's getting to be a tight fit.

I sit here in my quiet living room contemplating all that's ahead. Panic slowly sinks in. I'm not ready for this. No one is ever really ready. You can be prepared and have all the necessities, sure. In truth you aren't ever really ready to add a person to your life. It's even worse when you've done it before. You know that your life is about to be turned upside down. That's a scary thought.

What's even scarier is you can't really know how much things will change until they do. Nothing can prepare you! No child birth class or infant CPR will tell you if your baby will cry a lot or be relatively happy (as happy as an infant can be, of course). Nothing will tell you if your baby will sleep a lot or keep you up all night, every night for months. Will she be sensitive to fabrics and diapers like Nick? Will she puke all the time like Gabby? Will she prefer her dad or me? Will she be allergic to cats? Will she be healthy? Will she one day suffer from a chronic illness like me? Will she be pretty, smart, funny? Will she like giraffes? All the questions begin to creep in your mind. Then you realize, you have a connection with this baby inside you, but you don't really know her. She may be part of me, but she's her own person. For the first year or so, communication will be limited.

Then I begin to think about all the possibilities the next few weeks will bring. I'll admit, I'm in panic mode! I like to have control and to feel prepared. Knowing that I can't know every detail freaks me out. I've heard everyone tell me over and over "everything will work out just fine, you'll see". That's fine. Right now, I don't SEE that, so pardon me for completely ignoring what you say. To be honest, it doesn't help. Until I feel like things are under control and my "to do list" is about 10 items shorter, you wont see me relaxing. You want to offer me advice? Come over and help refinish the crib or fix the leaky faucet or any of the other items on the list. Telling me to relax?? AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN! Besides, watching people slowly go insane is funny. Just grab some popcorn and sit back...

Finally, let's have some fun. I do have a super rad baby pool which I think everyone should take part in! It will let you guess everything from birth weight to birth date! Do it, it's fun. It makes me happy. You want me to be happy or else I'll probably sit on you. The winner get's nothing, but all the losers are on diaper duty. Big stakes! ( put steaks first... mmm sounds yummy!)

http://bebepool.com/go/?a=emilyhall&view=list

PS: there will be a birth story post and it will be very descriptive... prepare yourselves now!

A Gigantic Jesus....In Eureka Springs!

Greg and I went to Eureka Springs based on the suggestion from several people (by several I mean 2). We found a cool cottage to stay in that was close to town. We didn't really make many plans. Sometimes winging it is best.

The drive was long. By long, I mean terrible for someone who has morning sickness 24/7. I also discovered that my anxiety levels spike when a certain driver flies around corners on mountains. Seeing signs that say "Watch For Falling Rocks" and "Run Away Truck Ramp Ahead" did not help matters one bit. My preference to the ocean makes much more sense now.

We got to the cottage about 5 pm. It really was very cool. The owner came to give us the tour and she seemed to like me quite a bit. Then, much of the decor, music, and books began to make sense. It all featured women. Hmm, interesting! Of course, Greg didn't pick up on any of it. Apparently, the fact that she was flat out flirting with his pregnant wife never crossed his mind. Typical and very funny! Other than awkwardness, the cottage offered many wonderful things. There were deer roaming the yard day and night. The owner provided wonderful organic breakfast items. This place would be awesome in the Spring. She has a lovely garden.

This was Sunday, so about all we could do was grab a nice casual dinner at Chelsea's since pretty much every thing else closed early. It's more of a bar and I can't wait to go back when my beverage intake is not limited to boring crap. I'll be pretty straight forward here, that pizza was freaking awesome. If they want to move to Memphis, I would help them pack.

Day 2: This day was reserved for one thing only, shopping. We walked all over the downtown and let me tell you, it was exhausting. It was also freaking hot. The entire mid south was hit with a heat wave that week. Plus did you know that a town in the mountains is typically hilly?? Add that to walking around in the heat... We did eat at a little restaurant called Oasis. It was good, but interesting. Why so many places serve "Eureka Springs style Mexican" food, I'll never know. I like ACTUAL Mexican food. This whole knock off thing irks me a bit. Oasis was pretty much that. Not bad, mind you. However, when I want that style food, I typically want just plain Mexican. They did serve the throw back sodas, which I love. Shopping and eating downtown left us exhausted and me SUPER cranky. Pregnant+hot+tired=BAD. I mean it was really bad. I have a feeling a few people, mainly Greg wanted to kill me.

That evening we chose to do a ghost tour at the Crescent Hotel. First off, I totally want to have a girls trip and stay in that hotel. Not only is it elegant, but it's haunted as well! HOLLA! The hotel has been featured on Ghost Hunters and they even show you some of the footage captured before the tour. The stories are very interesting, regardless if you believe in ghosts. Again, had I been in a position to have a cocktail, we would have had a libation or two at the roof top lounge. Being that I'm a party pooper, we just walked around the gardens. My cousin Erin would love this place, there are cats roaming the gardens and she just LOVES cats....(tee hee) In fact, she'd love the whole town. Lots and lots of cats.

Day 3: Our last full day there, I had only ONE thing on my mind...find a place to swim. Okay, so I should know better than to leave it up to someone else to find what I'm looking for. It took way longer than expected to find and people are not good at giving directions. We found a place on a lovely lake and my swimming fix was achieved. Something unexpected happened... creepy couple attack!!! As I am laying out (i can't get in the water unless I'm hot), I begin to casually listen in on the conversation next to me. It's not like they were whispering. He's asking her if their relationship bothers her. Then he says how it concerned him at first and he shouldn't have the feeling for her that he did, but she was just too sexy. Say what? I take a peak at the couple and immediately tell that she is approximately 15-17, not a day older. Her looks and actions were quite immature. He, was closer to 40. Okay everyone let it all out at once.... EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! The conversation just got weirder from there. I gathered she was pregnant, but he wasn't the father. They talked about their age difference being an issue and if she had told anyone they were seeing each other. Her responses were awkward. It was ridiculous. He actually asked her what her top five albums of all time were. She is 15! She doesn't know what you mean by "album"! She actually responded with "ummm, I don't know..." Ugh. We left around the same time they did. i was very close to telling him to quite being a giant creepo!

That afternoon, we had a late lunch at Sparkey's. Again, with the "Eureka Spring Mexican" type food. What is up with that? Our server pretty much forgot her tables existed. We ate a little, I was tired. So after picking at my food (I've really perfected that), we decided to just head to the cottage and relax. That evening we saw Gigantic Jesus....Boy is that an interesting sight. First off, I don't care about your religious affiliations, he is just creepy. He is not proportionate at all. He actually reminds me of the creepy statues on Never Ending Story. You know, the ones that were the guardians of some gate. Their eyes would open as you passed through and if you weren't worthy, you'd be zapped to death. (technically Atreyu wasn't worthy because they tried to zap him, he just jumped out of the way... I totally don't think that counts). I expected Gigantic Jesus to open his eyes and zap all the people around. I would totally have pulled an Atreyu and jumped out of the way. Not sure about Greg. Hey, when a Gigantic anything is zapping people, it's every man for himself!

That night was REALLY fun. We grabbed some dinner at Lovin' Oven Bakeria and guess what hit me??? That's right people, a fibro flare. Holy cow. I was actually in tears! It was THAT bad. I couldn't even stand up. It rattled me to my bones. It was not a fun rest of the night and since then I have had multiple flares. Ugh...The best part is I can't take my meds because I am pregnant. Yippeee!!!!

Day 4: Good Bye Eureka Springs! Aww such a pretty town. I would have liked to have done more, but we just didn't have the time or energy. We got up early had a pretty flippin good breakfast at Local Flavor. Yummy! Then I checked in to as many places as I could in town so I could gain my mayorships where needed. (I may enjoy foursquare too much) I am happy to say that I am the mayor of most places in Eureka Springs!! We hit up a winery to pick up some gifts and I discovered that state grape of Arkansas is not a tasty fruit...

The drive home wasn't bad. We had a yummy home style type lunch in some hole in the wall restaurant in some hole in the wall town. Seriously, do people choose to live in these places or are they just stuck there??? Of course the food made me extremely ill. Hey, I'm pregnant, it's how I roll. Never the less, we made it home in one piece and to a house full of annoying animals.

So all in all I can sum up Eureka Springs by saying that it is a cool little town. If you like funky art, bars, haunted hotels, beautiful scenery, and huge depictions of Christ, this town is for you. Visit it! I will say for my LGBT pals, I got the feeling that ES is pretty LGBT friendly. I didn't see much in the way of specific bars or hang outs, but I did see a lot of couples walking around. Definitely a plus there!

Monday March 7th, 2011 marks Gabby's 9th Birthday! It seems so long ago that I was pregnant with her, my first child. I experienced so many ups and downs! When she was born I remember being so protective of her. I worried about everything, as most new moms do!

Gabby's 9 years have been such a joy. She is a wonderful daughter who loves everyone! She is smart and sassy! I can't wait to see what she grows into! For some Gabby fun, here are some of her favorite things!!!


Gabby's All Time Favorite's:

All-Time Favorite…

Snack: watermelon

Drink: cherry limeade

Activity: Wii!

Favorite punctuation: ?

Favorite things to collect: silly bands

Word that's ever been used to describe me: active

Way to relax: lay down and read

Song right now: Just Dance by Lady Gaga

Furniture: bed

Thing that makes me more depressed than anything: not seeing my friends

Things I love to do on rainy days: do art projects

First thing I think when my alarm rings: ugh, school

Last three things I think before drifting off to sleep:
1.school
2.seeing her friends
3.what's for breakfast

Cleaning products: the vaccum

Most beautiful sights I've seen:
horses, Moma's engagement ring, other animals

Kind of books to read: Harry Potter, Goosebumps, Mystery Books

Holiday: Halloween

Movie I saw this year: Despicable Me

Feeling in the world: being happy!

Knot Untied.... In Memphis

It seems strange, even now as I write this, that today I woke up not married. I had been married for a little over 13 years. That is, until yesterday. Yes, my divorced was finalized on Valentine's Day. Funny huh? No really, it's okay to laugh. I certainly did. It's incredibly ironic that my divorce papers were signed by the judge on the national day of love!

Now, it wasn't exactly easy. Yes, it was mutual. Besides a few emotional rants here and there, it went incredibly smooth. I will say that no matter how mutual things are, divorce hurts. That's okay, it's actually supposed to. As Lewis CK says "no good marriage ends in divorce." It's true and shows that while painful, it's not actually a bad thing.

I used to have a clear vision of the future. Being with someone for 13 years, you kind of figure out how things will flow. Right now my vision of the future isn't very clear. I have some key things in my mind, but I am starting all over again. Honestly, I'm not in any hurry to figure it all out again. One thing I learned is that our paths twist and turn and sometimes go in circles or briefly stop all together. It's not a bad thing to not have figured it out. I have learned to kind of appreciate life's little surprises and let them come.

So here I am, looking on the outside of a marriage that lasted for 13 years. I'm happy. I'm excited about what my future holds, though I don't know what most of it is. I'm happy who I am with. Greg is an amazing man and I am lucky to have found him. I'm happy with how my kids have turned out and handled this whole process. They are troopers! I'm just simply happy.

Another One Bites The Dust.....In Memphis

2011 is here, finally. Most New Year's I am glad to say goodbye to the previous year, never so much so as this year. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, put my children in public school, started college, lost and found faith, became a vegetarian, and began divorce proceedings. All in one year. A bit much one would say. Personally I would say it was WAY too much.

However, 2010 brought many good things. I made friends with wonderful people. Some of these people have become some of the best friends I have ever had. A select few have become closer to me than anyone ever before. For that, I am forever grateful for 2010. Pain was brought, yes, but so was a silver lining.

I completed my first semester of college. I struggled in Algebra, but passed with a B. I loved Social Problems and realized a switch in majors may be in store for me. I learned from my English professor that a "C is successful". I also tested and excelled in my GED. Something I feared, but shockingly tested higher than most high school graduates.

I realized how important my health was to me. I changed my eating habits and don't regret it a bit. I'm a happy non meat eater. I enjoy this side of life immensely. I am thrilled with the friends and loved ones who firmly support me in this.

So all in all, 2010 wasn't all bad. It certainly wasn't all good, or even mostly good. It was filled with immense pain, struggle and frustration. I am so glad it's over. 2011 has already proven to be much better and I am really looking forward to what's in store. No resolutions, I just want to enjoy life. I want to surround myself with those who love me and support me. I want to remove the ones who only hurt and disrespect me. It may not be easy, but I will have the love and support of those who truly care about me. I'd say, I'm off to a good start.

Hello 2011, this is Emily. I wont accept anything but the best from you!

Thanksgiving Not....In Memphis

This year my mother decided to do something different, she rented a cabin in Broken Bow, OK. Sounded like lots of fun. We all needed to get away. As with all our family adventures, things rarely turn out the way we expect.

It all started on the drive to Broken Bow. My children proceeded to argue and throw tantrums the entire trip up. Not to worry, I told myself. They'd be out running in the woods in no time. Besides if attitudes didn't improve, by no means was I required to return home with them, well in my own dark and twisted mind. I learned that the road to Broken Bow was long, slow and every 30 miles or so we'd hit a town that the world seemed to have forgotten. Lesson learned, I wont be retiring anywhere in Arkansas.

After being stared down by a few gas station attendants (apparently they find well dressed and well spoken people an oddity in those parts), we finally crossed the border into Oklahoma. That's when I expected things to turn around. Silly me.

Broken Bow is a strange town. I should have known what to expect when the first motel I see is called "End of The Trail". It really looked like a place you go at the end of driving a wagon cross country and just prepare to die, lonely and cold. They did offer HBO for anyone wanting to die somewhat entertained. The Walmart in town was a regular Walmart. Not even a super center. I had thought every Walmart had been turned into a super center by now... Again... Silly me.

The kids were filled with excitement at this point. We were just a few short miles from the cabin. For about 2 hours we stayed a few short miles from the cabin, because we were lost, with no cell signal. Eventually I give up and head to the main road. Then my cell rings and I can hear arguing in the back ground as my sister screams "Everybody shut up I finally have her on the phone!" Ahhh, family fun time has begun. They were lost too. Knowing just how well the four of us (my mom, my two sisters and I) handle stress, I could tell we would all need a stiff drink before speaking to each other. They had finally received more "accurate" directions. Unfortunately, I was in some parallel universe and was on the correct road, but in another time and place. Turns out this road has two entrances (information that could have been helpful 2 hours prior) and I had been driving up and down the wrong section of road.

Nice.... it's now raining and pitch black because we are in the middle of no-where. I make my way to join the Cadillac Crew and immediately a trucker decides he doesnt like city folk and tries to kill me. I'm in tears and screaming obscenities, like he can actually hear me. Luckily, I make my way (jerk trucker and all) to the Cadillac Crew and we caravan to the cabin...which we find with no problem.

To say that getting up the driveway coming up the road is difficult, would be an understatement. No, unless you are on foot, it's impossible. However, that was in the directions. Another helpful piece of information would have also been that there is only one place to turn around, but I guess that was just assumed. The drive way was steep. Then once you get to the top, there is very little parking. We had 3 vehicles. In order for someone to leave, one vehicle had to be moved. Nice.

It's still raining and the firewood left for us is, yes, wet. Good. Who needs a fire when it's freezing, raining and the cabin has no heat?? Not us! We're tough mountain women! Oh wait, we're not. Hmm...

We unpack, fix the kids some dinner, then Mary, Anna and I proceed to drink until 2 am. Sometimes it's the only way to deal with stress and keep warm. Mom just ate M&M's all night. Hey, she deals with it her way, we deal with it ours.

That was just the first night.

Next day, Thanksgiving! Hurray! FOOD! Mimosas! This day went well. Mary and I felt adventurous enough to head to Walmart. We bought a few supplies (mom needed M&M's) and came home to get the feast on! It was now almost 1 and not even the turkey had been started... Can anyone say late dinner? It all ended well. We had a lovely meal complete with hominy, greens beans, mashed potatoes, stuffing, yams, more mimosas, ect. The fire wood had even dried out enough to make a fire!

Friday, day of adventure! We toured Broken Bow only to find there are few things to do. Walmart, the casino and hiking. Well, we had done Walmart and hiking was on the books for Sat so off to the casino. It was bad, not even alcohol is available! You had to get your own soda from a machine! The horror! We all lost and regretted going. So by 7:30pm, we were back home. The girls and I built a fire with non dairy creamer and enjoyed the night.

Saturday we hiked. Well, up one trail and were all too tired to go any further. It may have been that none of us were dressed for a hike or had any provisions (ie water). That might have been it... Mary and I ran back to Walmart for starter logs (non dairy creamer, while flammable, isn't ideal for starting campfires). On our way home we stopped off at a gas station.I noticed an interesting pole and rope just outside. We contemplated for a bit on what it could be then went inside. After buying silly bands and cigarette gum we went back out and stood talking. A truck pulls up... From the truck a very dead deer is tossed underneath the pole-rope thingy. I tell Mary to "get in the car we need to leave!" They proceeded to tie the rope around the deer to haul it up for who knows...So That's what that thing was for. Grossed out (details of what else we saw will be spared) we headed back home to make Whistling Mary 3. (you tube links provided later).

Sunday we packed up and headed home.

It was a great time with my family. Next time I hope we end up in a more equipped cabin (ie enough plates for everyone) and in a bit more active area (ie not Deliverance material). It is surely an Thanksgiving I'll never forget.

An Ode...In Memphis

One of my favorite movies of all time is also one of the most heartbreaking movies I have ever seen. If any of you have seen Splendor In The Grass a 1961 film starring the amazing Natalie Wood, you know what I mean. If you have not seen this movie, go rent it NOW. It's a must see.

The story line hits home for me. It's about high school sweethearts who fall in love, only to be torn apart by bad decisions. More so it's about a desperate love. A love so powerful it eventually breaks them both with heartbreaking results. Deanie's (Wood) breakdown is hard to watch. You can feel her heart ache. The story ends with both characters moving on and finding peace with each other. It goes to show you that love is never enough and the wrong love can hurt you fiercely.

About a month ago, Shawn and I filed for divorce. For those of you that have known us for years have known what a roller coaster relationship we have had. There has been good times, but there has been a lot of heart break. I would go as far as to say that most of our relationship was like Deanie and Bud's. Not much of it was healthy, but we loved each other desperately. That love turned on us in the end.

It's hard to look back over the past 15/16 years of our lives together and not feel sad. We grew up together. We taught each other everything we know about life and love. But, seasons change and time marches on. What once was,will not always be, cannot always be. Eventually every fledgling spreads it's wings and flies away. Our relationship reached it's end. We'd taught each other all we could and certainly damaged each other enough. It's time.

I don't want sympathy and grief (just money, okay?? lol). I want people to be happy for us. Yes, a divorce is heart breaking, but it's the start of a new life. I want people to be supportive of us and to help make this an easy transition. Keep us company! Take us out! Make us have fun! We've had each others company for 13 years. It's hard to adjust to that absence. Just be there when we need a hand to hold, an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on. He and I are still friends, you all might as well stick around too!

Now I close with this poem, An Ode by Williams Wordsworth. It is how the movie got it's title. I wont post the whole thing, just the significant lines. If you want to read it, you can find it here...

http://www.online-literature.com/keats/523/


What though the radiance which was once so bright
Be now for ever taken from my sight,
Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind;