This year my mother decided to do something different, she rented a cabin in Broken Bow, OK. Sounded like lots of fun. We all needed to get away. As with all our family adventures, things rarely turn out the way we expect.
It all started on the drive to Broken Bow. My children proceeded to argue and throw tantrums the entire trip up. Not to worry, I told myself. They'd be out running in the woods in no time. Besides if attitudes didn't improve, by no means was I required to return home with them, well in my own dark and twisted mind. I learned that the road to Broken Bow was long, slow and every 30 miles or so we'd hit a town that the world seemed to have forgotten. Lesson learned, I wont be retiring anywhere in Arkansas.
After being stared down by a few gas station attendants (apparently they find well dressed and well spoken people an oddity in those parts), we finally crossed the border into Oklahoma. That's when I expected things to turn around. Silly me.
Broken Bow is a strange town. I should have known what to expect when the first motel I see is called "End of The Trail". It really looked like a place you go at the end of driving a wagon cross country and just prepare to die, lonely and cold. They did offer HBO for anyone wanting to die somewhat entertained. The Walmart in town was a regular Walmart. Not even a super center. I had thought every Walmart had been turned into a super center by now... Again... Silly me.
The kids were filled with excitement at this point. We were just a few short miles from the cabin. For about 2 hours we stayed a few short miles from the cabin, because we were lost, with no cell signal. Eventually I give up and head to the main road. Then my cell rings and I can hear arguing in the back ground as my sister screams "Everybody shut up I finally have her on the phone!" Ahhh, family fun time has begun. They were lost too. Knowing just how well the four of us (my mom, my two sisters and I) handle stress, I could tell we would all need a stiff drink before speaking to each other. They had finally received more "accurate" directions. Unfortunately, I was in some parallel universe and was on the correct road, but in another time and place. Turns out this road has two entrances (information that could have been helpful 2 hours prior) and I had been driving up and down the wrong section of road.
Nice.... it's now raining and pitch black because we are in the middle of no-where. I make my way to join the Cadillac Crew and immediately a trucker decides he doesnt like city folk and tries to kill me. I'm in tears and screaming obscenities, like he can actually hear me. Luckily, I make my way (jerk trucker and all) to the Cadillac Crew and we caravan to the cabin...which we find with no problem.
To say that getting up the driveway coming up the road is difficult, would be an understatement. No, unless you are on foot, it's impossible. However, that was in the directions. Another helpful piece of information would have also been that there is only one place to turn around, but I guess that was just assumed. The drive way was steep. Then once you get to the top, there is very little parking. We had 3 vehicles. In order for someone to leave, one vehicle had to be moved. Nice.
It's still raining and the firewood left for us is, yes, wet. Good. Who needs a fire when it's freezing, raining and the cabin has no heat?? Not us! We're tough mountain women! Oh wait, we're not. Hmm...
We unpack, fix the kids some dinner, then Mary, Anna and I proceed to drink until 2 am. Sometimes it's the only way to deal with stress and keep warm. Mom just ate M&M's all night. Hey, she deals with it her way, we deal with it ours.
That was just the first night.
Next day, Thanksgiving! Hurray! FOOD! Mimosas! This day went well. Mary and I felt adventurous enough to head to Walmart. We bought a few supplies (mom needed M&M's) and came home to get the feast on! It was now almost 1 and not even the turkey had been started... Can anyone say late dinner? It all ended well. We had a lovely meal complete with hominy, greens beans, mashed potatoes, stuffing, yams, more mimosas, ect. The fire wood had even dried out enough to make a fire!
Friday, day of adventure! We toured Broken Bow only to find there are few things to do. Walmart, the casino and hiking. Well, we had done Walmart and hiking was on the books for Sat so off to the casino. It was bad, not even alcohol is available! You had to get your own soda from a machine! The horror! We all lost and regretted going. So by 7:30pm, we were back home. The girls and I built a fire with non dairy creamer and enjoyed the night.
Saturday we hiked. Well, up one trail and were all too tired to go any further. It may have been that none of us were dressed for a hike or had any provisions (ie water). That might have been it... Mary and I ran back to Walmart for starter logs (non dairy creamer, while flammable, isn't ideal for starting campfires). On our way home we stopped off at a gas station.I noticed an interesting pole and rope just outside. We contemplated for a bit on what it could be then went inside. After buying silly bands and cigarette gum we went back out and stood talking. A truck pulls up... From the truck a very dead deer is tossed underneath the pole-rope thingy. I tell Mary to "get in the car we need to leave!" They proceeded to tie the rope around the deer to haul it up for who knows...So That's what that thing was for. Grossed out (details of what else we saw will be spared) we headed back home to make Whistling Mary 3. (you tube links provided later).
Sunday we packed up and headed home.
It was a great time with my family. Next time I hope we end up in a more equipped cabin (ie enough plates for everyone) and in a bit more active area (ie not Deliverance material). It is surely an Thanksgiving I'll never forget.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
An Ode...In Memphis
One of my favorite movies of all time is also one of the most heartbreaking movies I have ever seen. If any of you have seen Splendor In The Grass a 1961 film starring the amazing Natalie Wood, you know what I mean. If you have not seen this movie, go rent it NOW. It's a must see.
The story line hits home for me. It's about high school sweethearts who fall in love, only to be torn apart by bad decisions. More so it's about a desperate love. A love so powerful it eventually breaks them both with heartbreaking results. Deanie's (Wood) breakdown is hard to watch. You can feel her heart ache. The story ends with both characters moving on and finding peace with each other. It goes to show you that love is never enough and the wrong love can hurt you fiercely.
About a month ago, Shawn and I filed for divorce. For those of you that have known us for years have known what a roller coaster relationship we have had. There has been good times, but there has been a lot of heart break. I would go as far as to say that most of our relationship was like Deanie and Bud's. Not much of it was healthy, but we loved each other desperately. That love turned on us in the end.
It's hard to look back over the past 15/16 years of our lives together and not feel sad. We grew up together. We taught each other everything we know about life and love. But, seasons change and time marches on. What once was,will not always be, cannot always be. Eventually every fledgling spreads it's wings and flies away. Our relationship reached it's end. We'd taught each other all we could and certainly damaged each other enough. It's time.
I don't want sympathy and grief (just money, okay?? lol). I want people to be happy for us. Yes, a divorce is heart breaking, but it's the start of a new life. I want people to be supportive of us and to help make this an easy transition. Keep us company! Take us out! Make us have fun! We've had each others company for 13 years. It's hard to adjust to that absence. Just be there when we need a hand to hold, an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on. He and I are still friends, you all might as well stick around too!
Now I close with this poem, An Ode by Williams Wordsworth. It is how the movie got it's title. I wont post the whole thing, just the significant lines. If you want to read it, you can find it here...
http://www.online-literature.com/keats/523/
What though the radiance which was once so bright
Be now for ever taken from my sight,
Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind;
The story line hits home for me. It's about high school sweethearts who fall in love, only to be torn apart by bad decisions. More so it's about a desperate love. A love so powerful it eventually breaks them both with heartbreaking results. Deanie's (Wood) breakdown is hard to watch. You can feel her heart ache. The story ends with both characters moving on and finding peace with each other. It goes to show you that love is never enough and the wrong love can hurt you fiercely.
About a month ago, Shawn and I filed for divorce. For those of you that have known us for years have known what a roller coaster relationship we have had. There has been good times, but there has been a lot of heart break. I would go as far as to say that most of our relationship was like Deanie and Bud's. Not much of it was healthy, but we loved each other desperately. That love turned on us in the end.
It's hard to look back over the past 15/16 years of our lives together and not feel sad. We grew up together. We taught each other everything we know about life and love. But, seasons change and time marches on. What once was,will not always be, cannot always be. Eventually every fledgling spreads it's wings and flies away. Our relationship reached it's end. We'd taught each other all we could and certainly damaged each other enough. It's time.
I don't want sympathy and grief (just money, okay?? lol). I want people to be happy for us. Yes, a divorce is heart breaking, but it's the start of a new life. I want people to be supportive of us and to help make this an easy transition. Keep us company! Take us out! Make us have fun! We've had each others company for 13 years. It's hard to adjust to that absence. Just be there when we need a hand to hold, an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on. He and I are still friends, you all might as well stick around too!
Now I close with this poem, An Ode by Williams Wordsworth. It is how the movie got it's title. I wont post the whole thing, just the significant lines. If you want to read it, you can find it here...
http://www.online-literature.com/keats/523/
What though the radiance which was once so bright
Be now for ever taken from my sight,
Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind;
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Losing My Religion.... In Memphis!
To be honest, I wasn't going to post about this in a blog. However, due some some questions and off remarks, I felt it was best to be straight forward on this subject. I felt that honesty is important in any friendship. I want you to know what you have with me. I don't want to give any false impressions. Take it or leave it. :-) So with out further ado, my coming out of the closet blog: Losing My Religion...In Memphis.
I began questioning things a few years ago. I read some articles and books about religion that surprised me. Like many Christians before me, I never really dug deep. I just accepted most everything I heard at face value. In my adult years, things began to stop making sense. I found myself questioning why more often than not. When I dug deep, what I found shocked me. Why hadn't I ever been told any of this? More importantly why hadn't I ever questioned things before?
It all led to my belief in God being forced, desperate. I tried. I prayed. I went to church. I meditated. I did all of it. One day I finally just realized that I was forcing myself to do the impossible. In all reality people, we cant MAKE ourselves believe something can we? If I were to tell you Santa is in fact real, you just need to have enough Faith, could you do it? Let's take it further, pick a Hindu God. Could you believe that a pink elephant controls our luck? Than if we just made enough posters to parade at celebrations, if we just meditated long enough, if we just gave up enough offerings, Ganesh would be real? Could you do it? If you understand why you can dismiss all those fictitious beings, perhaps you can begin to understand why I take it one god further. If there is one thing you take from this blog, please understand that the majority of people do not choose to not believe, we simply just don't.
To say I lost my religion in Memphis is a bit of a stretch, in fact it began way before moving here, but it was finalized here. For most people walking away from any religion takes time. There is a lot to process and a lot to work through. For many, it means keeping everything under wraps for a while. Losing those we are closest too is hard. I recently told my husband Shawn that I felt like a huge part of my life was going down a path and the people that were once closest with me were walking away in the other direction. Outing myself is quite hard to do. I risk losing some of you.
Do you want me to just come out and say it? Okay. I am an atheist. I do not believe in any god. Yes, I am quite happy, thank you for asking. In fact, not having any belief in god has allowed me to mature, cope with my illness and be quite happy. My life is indeed my own and what I make of it. Pretty simple.
Now lets get down to business. Some of you wont like it one bit. That's fine. I never said you had to accept me did I? If you choose to de-friend me, so be it. I don't really care to have people in my life who can't accept me for who I am. I'm a very liberal, atheist woman who LOVES life. That may upset some people. That's okay. You are who you are. Right? I've never deleted any one off FB for their beliefs, nor have I defriended anyone. That's kind of the point about being a human, right?? Our mind is our own.
Does this change a lot? Well, I may post some atheistic quotes form time to time or engage in some discussion that strikes my fancy. Will I go to church with you? No. Don't even ask. Can you pray for me? Hey what you do with your time is your own business. I prefer chillin' with a nice glass of wine in the evening air, but to each their own! Okay, I jest... (not about the wine, that's just me keeping it real).
For those of you who will stick around....catch my upcoming blogs:
1. A Year...In Memphis yes it's almost been a year! I cant wait for this blog!!!
2. True Blood Season 3 recap! (once i get caught up)
I began questioning things a few years ago. I read some articles and books about religion that surprised me. Like many Christians before me, I never really dug deep. I just accepted most everything I heard at face value. In my adult years, things began to stop making sense. I found myself questioning why more often than not. When I dug deep, what I found shocked me. Why hadn't I ever been told any of this? More importantly why hadn't I ever questioned things before?
It all led to my belief in God being forced, desperate. I tried. I prayed. I went to church. I meditated. I did all of it. One day I finally just realized that I was forcing myself to do the impossible. In all reality people, we cant MAKE ourselves believe something can we? If I were to tell you Santa is in fact real, you just need to have enough Faith, could you do it? Let's take it further, pick a Hindu God. Could you believe that a pink elephant controls our luck? Than if we just made enough posters to parade at celebrations, if we just meditated long enough, if we just gave up enough offerings, Ganesh would be real? Could you do it? If you understand why you can dismiss all those fictitious beings, perhaps you can begin to understand why I take it one god further. If there is one thing you take from this blog, please understand that the majority of people do not choose to not believe, we simply just don't.
To say I lost my religion in Memphis is a bit of a stretch, in fact it began way before moving here, but it was finalized here. For most people walking away from any religion takes time. There is a lot to process and a lot to work through. For many, it means keeping everything under wraps for a while. Losing those we are closest too is hard. I recently told my husband Shawn that I felt like a huge part of my life was going down a path and the people that were once closest with me were walking away in the other direction. Outing myself is quite hard to do. I risk losing some of you.
Do you want me to just come out and say it? Okay. I am an atheist. I do not believe in any god. Yes, I am quite happy, thank you for asking. In fact, not having any belief in god has allowed me to mature, cope with my illness and be quite happy. My life is indeed my own and what I make of it. Pretty simple.
Now lets get down to business. Some of you wont like it one bit. That's fine. I never said you had to accept me did I? If you choose to de-friend me, so be it. I don't really care to have people in my life who can't accept me for who I am. I'm a very liberal, atheist woman who LOVES life. That may upset some people. That's okay. You are who you are. Right? I've never deleted any one off FB for their beliefs, nor have I defriended anyone. That's kind of the point about being a human, right?? Our mind is our own.
Does this change a lot? Well, I may post some atheistic quotes form time to time or engage in some discussion that strikes my fancy. Will I go to church with you? No. Don't even ask. Can you pray for me? Hey what you do with your time is your own business. I prefer chillin' with a nice glass of wine in the evening air, but to each their own! Okay, I jest... (not about the wine, that's just me keeping it real).
For those of you who will stick around....catch my upcoming blogs:
1. A Year...In Memphis yes it's almost been a year! I cant wait for this blog!!!
2. True Blood Season 3 recap! (once i get caught up)
Friday, May 14, 2010
Sookie Stackhouse Novels Vs TrueBlood--SPOILERS
Like many other women out there, I have read the Sookie Stackhouse Novels. No, let me correct that. Like many other women I have read the Sookie Stackhouse novels and loved them. I have read each book within a 24 hour period, give or take. You just cant put them down. However, I came to the series late. In fact, I didnt even start reading until I watched the entire first series of TrueBlood on HBO. The series was a bit of a shock. If you know anything about the series, you know it's affectionatly referred to as "Vampire Porn" or "Twilight for Adults". I somewhat enjoyed the Twilight series, but it made me feel my age. TrueBlood, brought the adult viewing only (and not even suitable for most adults) "grown-up factor" back to Vampires, Werewolves and so much more...
Then I read the books....
Oy Vey, HBO! Didnt you even TRY to get it right?? Okay, so the first season is decent and pretty on par with the books. The obvious differences being Tara and Lafayette and the addition of Jessica (who is NOT in the books...EVER!). I actually like the HBO characters in TrueBlood versus the book. However, the depiction of Pam is just amazing. That is the Pam I see when I read the books. She's PERFECT! Okay, so my Pam obession aside here is my run down of Sookie Stackhouse Novels vs HBO's TrueBlood...
1. Tara as a mad black woman and a prominant character is nice. In the books, Tara isnt even mentioned until book 2 and is not a main character at any point, plus she's white and boring. The director of TrueBlood stated that he felt the series would be more appealing with 2 strong female leads. Kudos. I like Tara's character and there is suggestive dialog that her character will grow into her own and be a more mature character likened to the Tara in the books.
2. Jessica is not in the books. However, I like her character and am glad she has been added. I think she's cute and if I was a vamp, I'd want to be like her (only if I couldnt be like Pam!).
3. Lafayette. Bon Temp's out and about gay cook, drug dealer, and porn video making extrodanaire! He's tough, he's beautiful, he's in your face and you love him! His character indeed dies in the book, such a shame and HBO agreed. He was such a big hit with the series, I guess they desided to keep him around. The cooks always die in the books (just like the bartenders at Fangtasia die), but dont seem to have a major role. He has a pretty strong presence in the series and I like that. I like Lafayette. Keep him as long as possible!! He has some great lines and I love him!
4. Terry in the books is a veteran of Vietnam. Terry in TrueBlood is much younger and faught in Desert Storm. Anyone who says "Jihad this mother-fucker!!!" and jumps a vamp is okay in my book! In season 2 his character takes a turn I dont care for, so we'll see what season 3 does.
Now let's get to season 2...
Season 2 of TrueBlood (off the book Living Dead In Dallas) started off okay and then somehow drug us down a path that I cant even begin to relate to the books. It was as if the series took off a story of it's own and began to loosely follow the books. I felt some of the really key stories were left out and completly random story lines added in. (hello getting help from werewolf packs! pretty key to going into the next book/season)..Without further ado, my top 2 annoyances Maryanne and the Proposal...
1. Maryanne. Oh my god. That was just ridiculous. RIDICULOUS! Her character in the book was barely in it. In fact, almost likeable. She was just what she was a maenad, nothing more, nothing less. In TrueBlood she was the bizarre shifting creature who seduced Sam when he was young and caused mass orgies every where she went. The episode with the ostrich egg was just so over the top and weird. Yes it was entertaining, but this had nothing to do with the books. I cant help but wonder what HBO paid Charlaine Harris for the rights to do with the series as they wanted...
2. Bill's Proposal. I have 3 words to describe the reality of the books versus TrueBlood: DOESNT HAPPEN EVER! That's one of Sookie's beefs with Bill. He never proposed or hinted at a committed relationship! NEVER. His proposal was stupid and totally out of place. Let's get one thing straight.... after book 3, Bill's character is present, but only in the background. He's merely mentioned here and there and shows up from time to time. Eric is the main vamp presence (and should be!) from 3 on out.
Season 3 Spoilers!!!!!
The rumors on season 3 disapoint me.
First off, let me give props where they are due. The casting is GREAT. I think each actor will fill the role wonderfully. I cant WAIT to see Alcide! He was someone I really rooted for in the books. I'm glad he comes around from time to time. Joe Manganiello plays Alcide. Look him up! He'll fit the role nicely. Debbie Pelt will enter this season and be the total bad girl! We'll all love to hate her!
Okay the spoilers... The director has CONFIRMED that Bill and Same have an erotic relationship...Ugh. Seriously? I have no problem with gay scenes. In fact, Lafayette has a new love intrest, Jesus (no joke!! LOL) this coming season. However, BILL and SAM???? That's just dumb. DUMB DUMB DUMB. Sam cant stand Bill. He never really likes him. I really feel HBO is doing this strictly for shock value and I think it's poor taste. It's one thing to stray from the book, it's another to completly rip it off and do whatever the hell you want with it! That's what you've done HBO!
Of course I will watch this season. I try to look at TrueBlood as a completly different story all together!!! I just had to get my opinion out there while I wait for it to start! I am currently rewatching season 1 while I wait for season 2 to come out in a few days. This Summer we'll all be hooked on season 3!!!! There is SO MUCH coming up with this series! We have the characters and story lines of Quinn ( I cannot wait!), Amelia, Octavia, Diantha, and Claudine coming up within the next 2 seasons. I hope the series goes on enough to encoperate these story-lines. It's when these characters are introduced that things take off!
So here we go... Book 10 just came out, season 2 of TrueBlood is out on DVD and BluRay in a few days and Season 3 starts this Summer... Whew!!! I am READY!
Then I read the books....
Oy Vey, HBO! Didnt you even TRY to get it right?? Okay, so the first season is decent and pretty on par with the books. The obvious differences being Tara and Lafayette and the addition of Jessica (who is NOT in the books...EVER!). I actually like the HBO characters in TrueBlood versus the book. However, the depiction of Pam is just amazing. That is the Pam I see when I read the books. She's PERFECT! Okay, so my Pam obession aside here is my run down of Sookie Stackhouse Novels vs HBO's TrueBlood...
HBO's Lafayette, Tara, Terry and Jessica....
1. Tara as a mad black woman and a prominant character is nice. In the books, Tara isnt even mentioned until book 2 and is not a main character at any point, plus she's white and boring. The director of TrueBlood stated that he felt the series would be more appealing with 2 strong female leads. Kudos. I like Tara's character and there is suggestive dialog that her character will grow into her own and be a more mature character likened to the Tara in the books.
2. Jessica is not in the books. However, I like her character and am glad she has been added. I think she's cute and if I was a vamp, I'd want to be like her (only if I couldnt be like Pam!).
3. Lafayette. Bon Temp's out and about gay cook, drug dealer, and porn video making extrodanaire! He's tough, he's beautiful, he's in your face and you love him! His character indeed dies in the book, such a shame and HBO agreed. He was such a big hit with the series, I guess they desided to keep him around. The cooks always die in the books (just like the bartenders at Fangtasia die), but dont seem to have a major role. He has a pretty strong presence in the series and I like that. I like Lafayette. Keep him as long as possible!! He has some great lines and I love him!
4. Terry in the books is a veteran of Vietnam. Terry in TrueBlood is much younger and faught in Desert Storm. Anyone who says "Jihad this mother-fucker!!!" and jumps a vamp is okay in my book! In season 2 his character takes a turn I dont care for, so we'll see what season 3 does.
Now let's get to season 2...
Season 2 of TrueBlood (off the book Living Dead In Dallas) started off okay and then somehow drug us down a path that I cant even begin to relate to the books. It was as if the series took off a story of it's own and began to loosely follow the books. I felt some of the really key stories were left out and completly random story lines added in. (hello getting help from werewolf packs! pretty key to going into the next book/season)..Without further ado, my top 2 annoyances Maryanne and the Proposal...
1. Maryanne. Oh my god. That was just ridiculous. RIDICULOUS! Her character in the book was barely in it. In fact, almost likeable. She was just what she was a maenad, nothing more, nothing less. In TrueBlood she was the bizarre shifting creature who seduced Sam when he was young and caused mass orgies every where she went. The episode with the ostrich egg was just so over the top and weird. Yes it was entertaining, but this had nothing to do with the books. I cant help but wonder what HBO paid Charlaine Harris for the rights to do with the series as they wanted...
2. Bill's Proposal. I have 3 words to describe the reality of the books versus TrueBlood: DOESNT HAPPEN EVER! That's one of Sookie's beefs with Bill. He never proposed or hinted at a committed relationship! NEVER. His proposal was stupid and totally out of place. Let's get one thing straight.... after book 3, Bill's character is present, but only in the background. He's merely mentioned here and there and shows up from time to time. Eric is the main vamp presence (and should be!) from 3 on out.
Season 3 Spoilers!!!!!
The rumors on season 3 disapoint me.
First off, let me give props where they are due. The casting is GREAT. I think each actor will fill the role wonderfully. I cant WAIT to see Alcide! He was someone I really rooted for in the books. I'm glad he comes around from time to time. Joe Manganiello plays Alcide. Look him up! He'll fit the role nicely. Debbie Pelt will enter this season and be the total bad girl! We'll all love to hate her!
Okay the spoilers... The director has CONFIRMED that Bill and Same have an erotic relationship...Ugh. Seriously? I have no problem with gay scenes. In fact, Lafayette has a new love intrest, Jesus (no joke!! LOL) this coming season. However, BILL and SAM???? That's just dumb. DUMB DUMB DUMB. Sam cant stand Bill. He never really likes him. I really feel HBO is doing this strictly for shock value and I think it's poor taste. It's one thing to stray from the book, it's another to completly rip it off and do whatever the hell you want with it! That's what you've done HBO!
Of course I will watch this season. I try to look at TrueBlood as a completly different story all together!!! I just had to get my opinion out there while I wait for it to start! I am currently rewatching season 1 while I wait for season 2 to come out in a few days. This Summer we'll all be hooked on season 3!!!! There is SO MUCH coming up with this series! We have the characters and story lines of Quinn ( I cannot wait!), Amelia, Octavia, Diantha, and Claudine coming up within the next 2 seasons. I hope the series goes on enough to encoperate these story-lines. It's when these characters are introduced that things take off!
So here we go... Book 10 just came out, season 2 of TrueBlood is out on DVD and BluRay in a few days and Season 3 starts this Summer... Whew!!! I am READY!
Monday, March 22, 2010
Take Two of These and Call Me In The Morning....
Had my review of lab work and second Dr's visit today with a very charming and compassionate rhumetologist. It's people like Dr Ganguli that make me wish I had gone into medicine... she's definatly a "whole picture" Dr. Her only downfall, she's in Germantown. Beggers cant be choosers I guess.
She has ruled out any auto-immune disorders like Lupus. My blood work came back just fine in that area. I am comfortable taking it off the table, in my mind, as well. She also felt that Fibromyalgia was a good diagnosis for me. That sucks, would liked to have gotten rid of that one as well. However my symptoms dont match up with FMS completly. So I think we're on a wait and see for any other helpful symptoms.
My bloodwork did reveal some inflamation of the muscles. Which is probably what is causing my chest issues. I read that it can effect the heart as well and therefore, is probably why my heart has started beating silly. Thankfully, all this can be treated with steriods. Yay...the fat pills. I will be put on a very low dose prednisone and a low dose non-steriodal anti-inflamatory. The predisone I will just take for about 6 weeks or so. I will start out at once a day for 2 weeks and then every other day for 3 weeks. Hopefully this will stop the chest pain and other various muscle pains.
She feels the reason I have not responded well to the FDA approved FMS drugs is because they target pain caused by neurological reasons. Where as I am experiancing actual inflamation of the muscles. So this is a different approach.
So what this means for the future, I really dont know. I am stil trying to let it all sink in and read up on what I can. I read it can be cured and I could never have another problem... or it can develop into a more auto-immune type issue and be recurring. I guess only time will tell.
I am so not happy about being on a steriod. I just have to remind myself that it's only short term and could fix this crap. I know weight gain is a big issue with most prednisone takers. Just what I need right?? Trying to lose weight and get put on the fat pill! Ugh.
Hopefully my diet will help me get through these next few weeks with some sanity. I guess it's a good thing I did what I did! Look for updates soon!
She has ruled out any auto-immune disorders like Lupus. My blood work came back just fine in that area. I am comfortable taking it off the table, in my mind, as well. She also felt that Fibromyalgia was a good diagnosis for me. That sucks, would liked to have gotten rid of that one as well. However my symptoms dont match up with FMS completly. So I think we're on a wait and see for any other helpful symptoms.
My bloodwork did reveal some inflamation of the muscles. Which is probably what is causing my chest issues. I read that it can effect the heart as well and therefore, is probably why my heart has started beating silly. Thankfully, all this can be treated with steriods. Yay...the fat pills. I will be put on a very low dose prednisone and a low dose non-steriodal anti-inflamatory. The predisone I will just take for about 6 weeks or so. I will start out at once a day for 2 weeks and then every other day for 3 weeks. Hopefully this will stop the chest pain and other various muscle pains.
She feels the reason I have not responded well to the FDA approved FMS drugs is because they target pain caused by neurological reasons. Where as I am experiancing actual inflamation of the muscles. So this is a different approach.
So what this means for the future, I really dont know. I am stil trying to let it all sink in and read up on what I can. I read it can be cured and I could never have another problem... or it can develop into a more auto-immune type issue and be recurring. I guess only time will tell.
I am so not happy about being on a steriod. I just have to remind myself that it's only short term and could fix this crap. I know weight gain is a big issue with most prednisone takers. Just what I need right?? Trying to lose weight and get put on the fat pill! Ugh.
Hopefully my diet will help me get through these next few weeks with some sanity. I guess it's a good thing I did what I did! Look for updates soon!
Sunday, February 21, 2010
When BBQ Loses It's Throne....
Now doubt, if you were born in, move to or just visit Memphis, you know meat reigns...well okay BBQ reigns, King! For good reason too! If you like ribs, Memphis definatly has the stuff! I loved ribs. I loved pulled pork sandwiches! Then one day, it stopped. One thing I never thought would happen... I moved to Memphis and became a Vegan! It almost sounds like a joke... So this Vegan walked into a rib joint in Memphis.....and the Aristocrats... bah dum bump!Sometimes it feels like a joke. Believe you me! Never in a milliion years did I think I'd move to Memphis and go Vegan! Never the less, it happened. It almost sounds like I fell in love. I wasnt looking for veganism, it just happened. I was living my life as I always had and bam it hit me out of no-where. The ever famous: it happens when you least expect it! I wasnt looking for it, it was looking for me!
Sounds silly, but it's true. I wasnt looking for it. I was trying to figure out what the crap was wrong with me. I just wanted to feel better. I woke up and 2 of my pants that i wore frequently no longer fit. I was done. I didnt care. I was in that "drastic" stage. I was going to do anything. If that meant selling my kidneys on the black market, by God, I was losing weight. I couldnt stand to feel like crap AND be fat. I could handle being skinny and feeling like crap, but a total body hatred....wasnt working out so well. I needed tough love. I needed someone in my face to tell me like it is. It was a pivitol moment. I threw my pants on the floor and cried. I cursed. I screamed. I didnt care. I was DONE. I was done feeling horrible. I was DONE being fat. I was DONE.
Target answered my call (one other reason I love Target and hate Walmart!). they had the book I was looking for...Skinny Bitch. I read it in one day. The funny thing, I knew what it was saying. I already KNEW that stuff, but it was put in terms that I totally got. It also addressed somethings that i knew, but refused to acknowledge.
I knew meat wasnt all that great. I knew even more that factory farms produced crap (that's killing all of us!). I knew that slaughterhouses were filled with horrific intances of cruelty and abuse. Hey you are what you eat right? So I think I'll pass on the bacon taken from a screaming pig being beaten sensless or the wing from the chicken who is so genetically altered she cant even walk a few steps. Perhpaps, you like burgers made from cattle who are cut apart alive, not me. It doesnt bother you, you say? You havent watched the videos. I dare you to sit through Meet Your Meat or Earthlings and go fix that dinner. Enjoy. You are what you eat.
All animal rights aside, I dont care if you dont want to be a vegetarian. I really dont. It's a personal choice. Just dont ask me why I did it and expect a fluff answer. Sure it's to feel better (hey, we're NOT designed to eat meat no matter what you think), but it's also because I refuse to take part in factory farms. You want to eat meat, please switch to orgnaic local farms who are run by ethical people. Just dont expect me to sympathize you for your "craving".
Now I am off to a new life. I am very excited. I think it will change my life. It already has. I already feel amazing. For those who are curious, yes my kids are part of this too. I know I cant eliminate meat from their diets 100% (hey, come one, birthday parties and friends houses will provide lots of temptation. besides, ultimately, just like religion they have to eventually make their own choices.). However, I can open them up to a world of dishes that most kids will never experiance. I want them to eat a healthy dinner and see how good they feel. Next fall, I do plan on marking them as vegetarians for special dietary restrictions at school. Gabby hates eggs and Nick shows signs of being lactose intolerant (like me), so they are half way to being vegans as well!
I know this is alot of info and sort of all over the place. It's super late and I am sick. But I really felt I needed to get some of this out. I'm sure I'll make a clearer post once things get more defined. :-)
Sounds silly, but it's true. I wasnt looking for it. I was trying to figure out what the crap was wrong with me. I just wanted to feel better. I woke up and 2 of my pants that i wore frequently no longer fit. I was done. I didnt care. I was in that "drastic" stage. I was going to do anything. If that meant selling my kidneys on the black market, by God, I was losing weight. I couldnt stand to feel like crap AND be fat. I could handle being skinny and feeling like crap, but a total body hatred....wasnt working out so well. I needed tough love. I needed someone in my face to tell me like it is. It was a pivitol moment. I threw my pants on the floor and cried. I cursed. I screamed. I didnt care. I was DONE. I was done feeling horrible. I was DONE being fat. I was DONE.
Target answered my call (one other reason I love Target and hate Walmart!). they had the book I was looking for...Skinny Bitch. I read it in one day. The funny thing, I knew what it was saying. I already KNEW that stuff, but it was put in terms that I totally got. It also addressed somethings that i knew, but refused to acknowledge.
I knew meat wasnt all that great. I knew even more that factory farms produced crap (that's killing all of us!). I knew that slaughterhouses were filled with horrific intances of cruelty and abuse. Hey you are what you eat right? So I think I'll pass on the bacon taken from a screaming pig being beaten sensless or the wing from the chicken who is so genetically altered she cant even walk a few steps. Perhpaps, you like burgers made from cattle who are cut apart alive, not me. It doesnt bother you, you say? You havent watched the videos. I dare you to sit through Meet Your Meat or Earthlings and go fix that dinner. Enjoy. You are what you eat.
All animal rights aside, I dont care if you dont want to be a vegetarian. I really dont. It's a personal choice. Just dont ask me why I did it and expect a fluff answer. Sure it's to feel better (hey, we're NOT designed to eat meat no matter what you think), but it's also because I refuse to take part in factory farms. You want to eat meat, please switch to orgnaic local farms who are run by ethical people. Just dont expect me to sympathize you for your "craving".
Now I am off to a new life. I am very excited. I think it will change my life. It already has. I already feel amazing. For those who are curious, yes my kids are part of this too. I know I cant eliminate meat from their diets 100% (hey, come one, birthday parties and friends houses will provide lots of temptation. besides, ultimately, just like religion they have to eventually make their own choices.). However, I can open them up to a world of dishes that most kids will never experiance. I want them to eat a healthy dinner and see how good they feel. Next fall, I do plan on marking them as vegetarians for special dietary restrictions at school. Gabby hates eggs and Nick shows signs of being lactose intolerant (like me), so they are half way to being vegans as well!
I know this is alot of info and sort of all over the place. It's super late and I am sick. But I really felt I needed to get some of this out. I'm sure I'll make a clearer post once things get more defined. :-)
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Sick In Memphis
To be truthful, I never wanted this blog to talk about my illness much. I kind of wanted this to be about my life outside of my illness. However, the past month or two has been pretty hard for me physically. Not much has really happened outside of my illness. Even the joys of our first Christmas and Anniversary in Memphis, were greatly clouded by my health and the complications that arise with this sort of an illness. In fact, I havent updated recently because I just didnt want to think about it more than I had too.
You see it's so hard to be in a new place, meeting new people and wanting them to see the other side of you. There's this whole other side of me that has nothing to do with how I feel. Lately it seems to be all I am really. I hate that. I dont want people to see me as the sick one. I want that to be a small part of me. Maybe that's unrealistic of me. In fact, I know it probably is. It's not like I can sweep this under the rug when I want. It doesnt work that way. It rears it's ugly head when and where it wants.
For those of you who have been with me from the beginning, you know I have taken a Dr hiatus since about March/April of last year. For those of you who dont, well, now you do. Seeing specialist after specialist and having test after test, can take it's toll. After 2, almost 3 years of it, I was sick of seeing a Dr and getting no where. So I desided with our move, I would stop and just resume the search when I was ready.
Now, I am ready. After a really crappy Christmas, Birthday, Anniversary, ect... I was ready to try and find someone who could help me. Enough is enough. Our temporary stint in OKC provided me new symptoms that have stuck through our move to Memphis. Unfortunatly these have gotten to the point that I cannot ignore. I cant sleep at night. When I do, I wake up frequently. My chest wall hurts so bad that just adjusting my position can send shard pain throughout my whole rib cage. My anxiety is starting to peak again and pretty sure a few good assaults on my immune system will send it back into freak out mode. That is not fun. Not at all! I do have alot of pain, but so far my Wii Fit is really helping me combat that.
For those of you who dont know my history...we'll here's the Cliff Notes. A few years ago, my daughter started preschool. She brought home every virus known to man, it seemed like!!! As our immune systems adjusted and sharpened, mine crashed. I never really fully recovered. After a good over look of my recent medical history, i could see a pretty distinct pattern. I was having dips and peaks. In fact, I could trace it back several years, possibly starting around my teen years. Ever so often I just didnt feel good, for months. After the hit of school kids bugs, my body just had enough. It seems to be a common thread amoung those of us with auto-immune illnesses that are triggered by a virus or other tramatic event in our lives. Usually the EBV (which is responcible for mono) is the culprit. According to my blood work when I first got very sick, I had had the virus within the past year.
So what do I have?
Well that's a good question and one I hope Dr Ganguli will be able to answer. I have not been given an official diagnosis. It's not uncommon. It can take many years to put the peices of these things together. I have a good friend who was sick her whole life and not diagnosed until College. Often times, symptoms start, but diagnostic evidence takes longer to develop. I had been told on more than one occasion that I was in the beginning stages and nothing could be done until a clear answer could be found. Everyone seems to agree that it is auto-immune in form. I was told most likely something like Lupus, but we wont know for sure until it wants to be made known. Fibromyalgia has been thrown around a bit, but it seems each Dr I have seen has a different opinion. Most do not think it is that. I personally do not feel it is either. Ofcourse nothing can be ruled out.
So now what? Well now I start my search in Memphis for answers. I pray God lead us here to help me. I'm ready to start treating this monster head one and get to a managable state of wellness. I have joined a mothers group for sufferers of chronic conditions. It has helped so much and I know I will make lifelong friends with these women who sooo understand what I go through!!!
For now, I am just trying to prepare myself for whatever answer lies ahead.
You see it's so hard to be in a new place, meeting new people and wanting them to see the other side of you. There's this whole other side of me that has nothing to do with how I feel. Lately it seems to be all I am really. I hate that. I dont want people to see me as the sick one. I want that to be a small part of me. Maybe that's unrealistic of me. In fact, I know it probably is. It's not like I can sweep this under the rug when I want. It doesnt work that way. It rears it's ugly head when and where it wants.
For those of you who have been with me from the beginning, you know I have taken a Dr hiatus since about March/April of last year. For those of you who dont, well, now you do. Seeing specialist after specialist and having test after test, can take it's toll. After 2, almost 3 years of it, I was sick of seeing a Dr and getting no where. So I desided with our move, I would stop and just resume the search when I was ready.
Now, I am ready. After a really crappy Christmas, Birthday, Anniversary, ect... I was ready to try and find someone who could help me. Enough is enough. Our temporary stint in OKC provided me new symptoms that have stuck through our move to Memphis. Unfortunatly these have gotten to the point that I cannot ignore. I cant sleep at night. When I do, I wake up frequently. My chest wall hurts so bad that just adjusting my position can send shard pain throughout my whole rib cage. My anxiety is starting to peak again and pretty sure a few good assaults on my immune system will send it back into freak out mode. That is not fun. Not at all! I do have alot of pain, but so far my Wii Fit is really helping me combat that.
For those of you who dont know my history...we'll here's the Cliff Notes. A few years ago, my daughter started preschool. She brought home every virus known to man, it seemed like!!! As our immune systems adjusted and sharpened, mine crashed. I never really fully recovered. After a good over look of my recent medical history, i could see a pretty distinct pattern. I was having dips and peaks. In fact, I could trace it back several years, possibly starting around my teen years. Ever so often I just didnt feel good, for months. After the hit of school kids bugs, my body just had enough. It seems to be a common thread amoung those of us with auto-immune illnesses that are triggered by a virus or other tramatic event in our lives. Usually the EBV (which is responcible for mono) is the culprit. According to my blood work when I first got very sick, I had had the virus within the past year.
So what do I have?
Well that's a good question and one I hope Dr Ganguli will be able to answer. I have not been given an official diagnosis. It's not uncommon. It can take many years to put the peices of these things together. I have a good friend who was sick her whole life and not diagnosed until College. Often times, symptoms start, but diagnostic evidence takes longer to develop. I had been told on more than one occasion that I was in the beginning stages and nothing could be done until a clear answer could be found. Everyone seems to agree that it is auto-immune in form. I was told most likely something like Lupus, but we wont know for sure until it wants to be made known. Fibromyalgia has been thrown around a bit, but it seems each Dr I have seen has a different opinion. Most do not think it is that. I personally do not feel it is either. Ofcourse nothing can be ruled out.
So now what? Well now I start my search in Memphis for answers. I pray God lead us here to help me. I'm ready to start treating this monster head one and get to a managable state of wellness. I have joined a mothers group for sufferers of chronic conditions. It has helped so much and I know I will make lifelong friends with these women who sooo understand what I go through!!!
For now, I am just trying to prepare myself for whatever answer lies ahead.
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